I’ve started to refer to myself as Daddy in the third person. Even when my daughter is not around.
Me: Daddy’s going to bring to garbage out.
Mother-in-law: Isn’t Clara upstairs already?
Mother-in-law: Then who are you talking to?
Me: Kill me now. Please.
I’ve actually given my wife permission to administer electro-shock therapy if necessary. Anything it takes to prevent me from speaking like this ever again.
If you catch me doing this, I give you permission to backhand me with a shovel.