Why my wife will never allow me a Freebie List

There a amusing tradition amongst spouses that each can create a Freebie List of people who they are allowed to date in the event that the opportunity ever presents itself. Actors and actresses, sports stars, models and musicians often top these fantasy lists. Lat night I was meeting with a couple in my capacity as DJ when this topic came up. The future husband and wife began playfully arguing about how many people should be allowed on their Freebie Lists. After listening to them debate the merits of George Clooney and Jennifer Aniston for a while, I offered my own advice:

If my wife ever wanted us to create Freebie Lists, I’d simply choose semi-attractive friends and neighbors for my list, and whenever possible, single or recently divorced women as well. Not the most attractive people I know, but middle-of-the-road attractiveness.

“Sure, honey, you can have Brat Pitt and Johnny Depp. Hell, why not take Puff Daddy and Tom Brady while you’re at it. I’ll just take our pretty friend stuck in the bad marriage, my recently divorced colleague and that twenty-something from up the street.”

As you can see, Freebie Lists do not work when at least one member of the couple is both strategic and realistic.