Racing through the pharmacy this morning in search of batteries, I passed through the feminine hygiene products aisle, and while there, I couldn’t help but notice that there is a brand of bladder-control pads named Poise.
Does the name of this product imply that one can retain their poise despite their propensity to pee their pants?
Or does it imply that the product can return poise to a person who has lost it as a result of several embarrassing accidents?
The definition of the word poise is aplomb: great coolness and composure under strain.
Is the naming of this product supposed to provide me with the assurance that I can urinate whilst engaged in a conversation at a dinner party or while sharing a cab with a stranger in Manhattan, as the definition suggests?
I don’t care what the name of the product happena to be. Regardless of the protection that any product may afford, urinating in public will never be a situation of poise for me, and the audacity of a company to imply otherwise is stunning.
Furthermore, if I someday suffer from an incontinence problem, I do not want to do business with a company with the gall to imply that:
a. I have lost my poise as a result of my urine-stained underwear
b. They can restore my poise through some disposable, absorbent pad
Ironically, the unacceptable audacity of Poise was illustrated by Saturday Night Live with their faux product, Oops I Crapped My Pants.