I don’t drink coffee.  I don’t like the taste and don’t like hot drinks.  They cause me to overheat.

Despite my aversion to the drink, I also took a stand against coffee at an early age.  Watching my bleary-eyed mother and father grumble about needing their first cup of coffee in the morning, and watching customers at McDonald’s do the same, I decided that I never wanted to rely on a cup of coffee, or anything else for that matter, to get me started each day. 

One of the smartest decisions I ever made.

Thanks to my decision not to drink coffee, my life is so much simpler. There are no hassles or harangues about coffee in my everyday life.  No complications over its preparation.  No debate over sugar versus Splenda versus Equal.  No concern over the quantity of cream required, the flavor of cream required, or the curdling of said cream.  No need to understand the difference between a small, tall and grande cup.  No mugs with ridiculous quips or declarations of fervent allegiance to my collegiate past.  No endless amounts of droning, inane conversation about grinders, beans, flavor, water temperatures, favorite shops and the like.  No screaming milk steamers.  No coffee rings on the table.  No coffee breath.  No meaningless tweets or Facebook posts screaming “Coffee!” or “I need a Starbucks!”  No need to add words like cappuccino, frappachino  and macchiato to my lexicon.  No concern about the top or the bottom of the pot.  No debate of coffee in a can or a bag or a single-cup dispenser.  No filters or Styrofoam cups or plastic stirrers.

Has there ever been a food or drink more fussed over, spoken about, discussed, debated, deliberated, pondered, or relied upon for meaningless small talk?  Has there ever been another food or drink that required as much conversation, knowledge or accoutrement?      

I don’t drink coffee, and the number of hours that I have saved as a result are astronomical.  When asked how I manage to accomplish so much in so little time, I often reply that I sleep less, embrace minimalism, prioritize and I don’t drink coffee.   

Is your life too complicated?  Are there not enough hours in the day?

Then join me in ridding yourself of this inefficient, time-consuming, oftentimes overpriced and pretentious  burden. 

Give it a month and I promise that you’ll be thanking me.