Avoid cannibalism under these McSweeney's-referenced circumstances

I reference the apocalypse often. Not the apocalypse mentioned in the Bible, but the real possibility that someday, governments will collapse as a result of a man-made or natural disaster (or zombie invasion) and human beings will find themselves living in the Stone Age again. While I am not looking forward to this day, I am prepared for it and will be ruthless about my survival. I’ve already chosen the people with whom I will band together, and many close friends and family are excluded from this list because of what I perceive as their inability to survive under extreme conditions and/or their unwillingness to do the unthinkable in order to keep their family alive.

When the apocalypse comes, it’s every man for himself.

Years ago on the last day of school , one of my colleagues gave me a Zombie Apocalypse Survival Kit, complete with Raman noodles, matches, Twinkies, and THE ZOMBIE SURVIVAL GUIDE.

I’m thinking about adding her to my band of merry survivalists. I’m pretty sure that she’s ruthless enough, and the addition of the Twinkies to the kit was clever on a number of levels.

As a result of my desire to be prepared for this unfortunate day, I’m always on the lookout for new and pertinent information regarding apocalypse-related scenarios.

McSweeny’s provides just such information.  It’s a brilliant and potentially lifesaving list that all good apocalypse-preparedness experts should know about, as gruesome as it may be.

I’m only jealous that I didn’t think of it first.