As a season ticket holder, I sit in the same seats at every Patriots game. As a new season ticket holder, those seats are far from the field. My friend, Shep, and I sit on the 45 yard line, four rows from the very top of the stadium.
To be honest, we like the seats a lot. It can get windy up there, but we have a good view of the action at all times, regardless of where on the field the ball may be. It’s actually a view similar to the one I see on television except I can see the entire field at one time.
The guys who usually sit to my right are police officers, and throughout the season, I have heard them tell one another stories that make the hair on the back of my neck stand on end and cause me to wonder about the sanctity of their profession.
I’m quite certain that many of the tactics that they describe are not legal, and they always make me a little nervous.
I already have good reason not to trust all police officers.
The cops were not at the most recent Patriots-Green Bay contest. It was a Sunday night game, so perhaps they were busy conducing illegal searches or smacking around prisoners in handcuffs or racially profiling motorists at stop lights.
All actions described during previous games.
Instead, I found myself sitting beside two Asian men whose enthusiasm for the game was sadly not matched by their understanding of the lexicon of the game. Though supportive of the team, many of the things that they shouted weren’t quite right, and as a result, I laughed throughout much of the night.
A few of their more memorable remarks included:
C’mon defense! Interfere the ball!
Drop them on the bomb, defense!
Crack that punt!
C’mon Pats! Win me a touchdown!
Pass that skin, Brady!
Tackle their legs into a little ball!
Midway through the third quarter, three guys off to my left decided to remove their shirts despite the sub-freezing temperatures. This bizarre ritual typically occurs in inverse proportion the outside temperature:
The colder the temperature, the greater the likelihood that guys will remove their shirts.
I am mystified as to why grown men choose to inflict this kind of suffering upon themselves and then pretend that the freezing temperatures don’t bother them. If asked, they might say that they are expressing support for their team, but I suspect that Tom Brady (who literally wears a scuba suit in cold weather) and his teammates would be less than impressed by this demonstration of stupidity.
Instead, I suspect that these morons require more attention than their clothing-clad bodies can provide. And while I’ll admit that removing your clothing on a 10 degree night will garner you attention, but not the kind of attention that most people desire.
After watching these fools remove their clothing, the Asian man directly to my right decided that he would do the same and began stripping off the layers covering his torso. Eventually he got down to just his tee-shirt, at which point he stood up, gripped the shirt around its bottom, and prepared to lift it over his head. He held it there for about a minute before releasing the shirt and standing with his hands by his side. He remained this way for another two minutes, seeming to ponder his next move, and then finally he began putting his sweatshirts and coat back on.
“There’s hope for you!” I said to him.
He smiled and thanked me as he pulled his hat down over his head.