Another job I wouldn't mind adding to my list of occupations is jumper-talker-downer. You know, the ones who talk people out of jumping off buildings and bridges. I think I would be pretty good at it. Sincerely.
I have the perfect skill set.
- I like pressure.
- I have no qualms about being the determiner of life and death.
- I have a great perspective on death based upon my own life experiences.
- I am quite convincing (one former student recently said that my ability to get a class to follow my lead is “magical”).
- I don’t mind working odd hours.
- I don’t get cold very easily, so sitting on a rooftop or hanging from a suspension cable in January wouldn’t be a problem.
- I have a powerful voice (no bullhorn needed).
- I could simultaneously offer life coaching to someone clearly in need.
- I am not afraid of heights.
- I compartmentalize well (for those less-than-successful days).
I know this may sound tongue-in-cheek, but I'm serious. I actually think I'd be excellent at this job.
Before accepting a position, I would have the following questions:
- What is the pay like? Is it an on-call rate, a per-jumper fee, or is there a retainer involved?
- How is job performance measured? Is there a rate of success that determines year-end bonuses? I can’t be expected to save everyone. Right?
- How much credit will I receive when I save someone? Up to this point, these guys have not been getting enough publicity.
- Oh… good idea. Does the department employ a publicist, and if not, can we look into hiring one?
That last question may have been a little tongue-in-cheek.