The Hills Have Eyes FOR YOU.

I should visit my sister more often. She is a treasure-trove of blog ideas, bizarre subplots and characters for my books. She lives her life in a way like no one I have ever known, and the people who filter in and out of her life are remarkable in their oddity and ineptitude. Case in point:

Have you seen the film The Hills Have Eyes? I saw Wes Craven’s 1977 original and bits and pieces of the 2006 remake, both which center upon a band of psychotic mutants who target a family in the New Mexico desert after their car breaks down.

An odd premise considering it involves the inexplicable existence of mutants in an otherwise normal world, but it was creepy nonetheless.

My sister recently watched the remake of the film, despite the lasting and traumatic impact that horror films have always had on her. A film like The Hills Have Eyes scares the bejeezus out of her, and yet she watches films like this just the same.

the hills have eyes

That’s Kelli.

After watching the film, the following typical, Kelli-like instances occurred.

Incident #1

Upon arriving home after midnight, Kelli opened the door to her car and was greeted with an inhuman howling and screaming that terrified her. She closed and locked her car door and immediately called the police, reporting that someone who “sounds like The Hills Have Eyes People is outside my house, and I can’t get inside.”

A police officer came to investigate the disturbance and escort my sister into her apartment. Upon arriving, he asked Kelli to step out of her car, and when the howling began again, he asked if that was the sound that had frightened her.

“Yes,” she said. “That’s it.”

“That’s two cats having sex,” the police officer informed her.

Incident #2

About a week after watching the film, Kelli received a friend request on her MySpace account from an unknown person living in New Mexico, which will apparently be forever known to Kelli as The Land of The Hills Have Eyes people.

The random and inexplicable friend request frightened her so much that she deleted her entire MySpace account, which she probably should have done a long time ago anyway.

I have a friend who lives in New Mexico, and I am pondering the idea of having him send anonymous notes through the mail with messages like:

We can see you.

We have eyes, you know.

Did you realize that you live on a hill?

It would be hilarious, but I expect it might kill her, too.