Five rules to guarantee a successful the public marriage proposal

I just watched three of the most gut-wrenching failed public marriage proposals ever. The most cringe-worthy moments you could ever imagine. For your enjoyment, I have posted them (along with one of the best public marriage proposals of all time) below.

As a veteran of a successful public marriage proposal, please allow me to offer a few simple rules in order to ensure that your public proposal does not end as tragically as it did for these gentlemen.

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1. If you are nervous about proposing to your girlfriend, you should not be attempting a public marriage proposal. You probably shouldn’t be proposing marriage at all if you are nervous, but if you must, do so privately.

2. Though you will be framing your proposal in the form of a question, this should be a formality rather than a genuine request. You should be 100% certain of your girlfriend’s answer before attempting the public marriage proposal. This probably means that you have discussed the possibility of marriage with your girlfriend beforehand and even checked with her closest friends to ensure that she will be amenable to the offer.

3. If you are someone who does not speak effectively in public, do not attempt the public marriage proposal. Most women would prefer a heartfelt, well spoken, private moment to a stilted, sweaty, semi-articulate public proposal.

4. The public marriage proposal is not the time to try new things. If you are not a professional singer, do not attempt to sing during your proposal.  If you are not a poet, do not propose via verse. You are asking a woman to marry you.  Not some new, amateur version of yourself.

5. Most important, remember that you are also jeopardizing your girlfriend’s feelings and dignity when attempting the public marriage proposal. Placing a girl in the position of having to walk away from a man on bended knee in front of an audience is unnecessarily cruel and tragically stupid, so this is not the time for any fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants risk-taking. You are not the only one who can get hurt by a failed marriage proposal. Act with appropriate prudence.

These men did not:

And now, I give you one of the greatest public marriage proposal of all time: