Three new Father’s Day laws

As Father’s Day draws to a close, I’d like to propose the following new Father’s Day rules:

  1. All golf courses should be set up in their most ideal conditions.  Tee boxes should be positioned as close to the greens as possible. Pin placements should be ideal. Every effort should be made to ensure that a Father’s Day round of golf goes exceptionally well.
  2. Fathers should never be required to wish one another a happy Father’s Day over the phone. The old “I’ll put him on the phone so you can tell him yourself” line should never be used on Father’s Day. Fathers don’t like the phone. A “Happy Father’s Day” by proxy should be perfectly acceptable. Every effort should be made to keep fathers off the telephone whenever possible.
  3. In the event that trash collection day falls on the Monday following Father’s Day, it should be moved to the Tuesday so that fathers are not required to end their day separating recyclables and dragging trash cans to the side of the road.