My obituary and eulogy instructions

In the off-chance that I die someday (an unlikely occurrence considering my super powers), I would like my obituary written and my eulogy spoken in the present tense. Nothing at all in the past tense, please. Nothing.

Speak of me as if I were still alive.

In one final fist shake of defiance at the institution of death, please refer to me as if I had cheated death once again, both in word and in print.

Oh, and say some wicked nice things, too. Make stuff up if you want.