Please don’t taint our trashy brand name with your douchebaggery

Abercrombie & Fitch is hardly a store that I hold in high esteem. I could list the number of discrimination lawsuits that the company has lost in the past decade, but all you really have to know about this company is that in 2002 Abercrombie Kids sold a line of thong underwear sold for girls in pre-teen sizes that included phrases like "Eye Candy" and "Wink Wink" printed on the front.

They have also sold women’s tee-shirts displaying messages such as Who needs brains when you have these? and I had a nightmare I was a brunette.

Men’s tee-shirts included messages such as Show the twins, Female streaking encouraged and Female Students Wanted for Sexual Research.

If you’re purchasing clothing at one of these stores, you have to ask yourself what the hell you are thinking.

If you’re purchasing clothing for your child from one of these stores… I don’t know what to think.

Even if you didn’t know about Abercrombie and Fitch’s reprehensible track record, shouldn’t a poster like this, hanging in the store’s window, been warning enough?

Nevertheless, even the most vile of institutions are capable of humor.

On Tuesday, the clothing retailer said it would offer "substantial payment" to MTV's The Jersey Shore's cast members to stop wearing the brand on air.

"We are deeply concerned that Mr. Sorrentino's association with our brand could cause significant damage to our image. We understand that the show is for entertainment purposes, but believe this association is contrary to the aspirational nature of our brand, and may be distressing to many of our fans," an Abercrombie & Fitch spokesperson said in a statement. "We have also extended this offer to other members of the cast, and are urgently waiting a response."

The extent of my knowledge about The Jersey Shore amounts to the following:

  • It is a reality television show on MTV.
  • It features a cast of materialistic, ego maniacal douchebags.
  • People in New Jersey hate this show for giving their state a bad name.
  • There is guy on the show who calls himself The Situation who invaded ESPN for a day and littered my sports programming with his vile presence.
  • A girl from the show wrote a book that Washington Post book critic Ron Charles made fun of on Twitter.
  • No one should spend a second be watching these cretins, but lots of people spend hours watching these cretins.
  • People like to make ridiculous excuses for wasting their precious time watching these douchebag because to admit to liking the show absence any caveat is unthinkable, even though its probably true.

Even with this limited knowledge of the show, I find this decision by Abercrombie & Fitch to be brilliant. Hilarious.

And yes, a little mean as well. Perhaps even cruel.

But it’s kind of like watching a cockroach chew on a dung beetle.

It’s hard for me to have sympathy for either party.