Best first sentence for a new story ever

More than a year after this story first ran, I have yet to find a better first sentence for a news story ever:

A gay man tried to poison his lesbian neighbours by putting slug pellets into their curry after he was accused of kidnapping their three-legged cat.

If I were braver, I’d try to write a novel based upon that sentence, but I fear that no one would find the story the least bit plausible.