Three reasons why helium balloons suck

First, there is a serious helium shortage in the world today, and helium is a crucial ingredient in MRI machines, wafer manufacturing, welding. Wasting this precious resource on party balloons is foolish.


Second, the actual balloons are terrible for the environment. Lost balloons end up in the stomachs of animals and marine life, causing suffering and unnecessary death.

But the worst part about helium balloons is the disproportionate level of risk-reward that they offer.

Give a toddler a balloon? The toddler smiles. Maybe laughs. Stares at the balloon in relative joy. 

But a toddler loses a balloon? Accidentally releases it into the sky?

All hell breaks lose. Screaming and wailing and tears. Begging and pleading for another balloon. Red cheeks. Flailing hands. Stomping feet.

A nightmare, my friends.

It’s just not worth it. Buy the kid a candy bar instead.