Men are having butt enhancement surgery in order to increase the size of their backsides. I am hesitant to refer to them as men.

The New York Times reports that there are men who are having butt enhancement surgery in an effort to increase the size of their derriere.

This is not fiction. It’s an actually a thing. 

Apparently these men are dissatisfied with the size of their buttocks and want a larger and more shapely backside.


Here’s the thing:

In my entire life, I have never known a single man who would ever consider this kind of plastic surgery. If I was required to name the man who I know or have known who is most likely to have butt enhancement surgery, as unlikely as that may be, I would still be unable to answer the question.

I’m probably say my friend, Tom, just to be mean.

Honestly, what kind of man does this?

According to the New York Times, a man like John Vickers.

Not long ago, Jeff Vickers, who owns a construction company, had surgery to address something that had, fittingly, been the butt of jokes.

“I’d wear jogging pants to work and the guys used to joke that, ‘You could drop a plumb bob from the back of your head and the string wouldn’t hit anything before it hit the ground,’ ” he said, referring to the weight on a string used for surveying.

A couple things.

1. Does Jeff Vickers really believe that having butt enhancement surgery (and publicizing it in the New York Times) is going to bring an end to the jokes?

Which is worse?

Having a flat butt or having fat injected from your stomach into your butt in an effort to change its shape?

I am fairly certain that Mr. Vickers has only increased the amount of teasing he receives from his employees.

I kind of want to visit his construction site next week to crack some jokes myself. The possibilities for humor are almost limitless.

2. What kind of construction workers spend their days making jokes about the size of their boss’s ass? Are there really men in the world (and construction workers, no less) who are taking notice of the size of their coworkers’ butts and commenting on them?

Again, in the course of my entire life, I don’t think I have ever met such a man. 

Nor do I want to.