My super powers

I have several super powers.

Most have no discernible purpose. If I were ever engaged in battle with a super villain (or even a regular old villain), most of these super powers would be useless.

Still, a super power is a super power, regardless of how purposeless (or questionably super) it is.

If you can think of uses for any of these powers that I have not already mentioned, it would be greatly appreciated.  


SUPER POWER: Cannot be bruised

Despite many injuries over the course of my life, including a car accident that left me dead, I have never bruised. Doctors have commented on this super power twice, expressing astonishment both times.



SUPER POWER: Require less oxygen than the average man

I am able to hold my breath for an exceptionally long time underwater. I have frightened lifeguards, friends and my wife (who gets exceptionally angry) on numerous occasions by disappearing beneath the surface of the water for a long, long time. Oddly, this super power only seems to work in the water. On land, my ability to hold my breath is only average.

POSSIBLE USES OF THIS SUPER POWER: If a super villain is attempting to destroy me, I could delay the inevitable by hiding underwater for a long time.


SUPER POWER: Vomit free since '83

I have not vomited since a 1983 ride on the Music Express at the now-defunct Rocky Point Amusement Park in Rhode Island. I may have developed an immunity to vomiting altogether.



SUPER POWER: Drinking to excess without any negative results

I almost never drink alcohol today, but there was a time in my youth when I was infamous for the quantity of alcohol that I could consume without any negative ramifications. I have never experienced a hangover and was never sick during or after a night of drinking. One of my friends has said (many times) that my avoidance of alcohol today is the greatest waste of a God given talent that he has ever seen.  

For detractors who believe that this power may have diminished after years of drinking very little, I consumed a considerable amount of champagne on New Year’s Eve without no negative effects. I still got it.

POSSIBLE USES OF THIS SUPER POWER: I could drink a super villain under the table before tying him up using one the many knots that I can tie thanks to my years in the Boy Scouts.


SUPER POWER: Possible immortality

My heart has stopped beating and I have stopped breathing twice in my life, only to be brought back each time by paramedics. The fact that this has happened twice in my life is surprising, but it becomes even more astonishing when you learn that the success rate of CPR is below 10% and survivors often suffer from debilitating physical and mental conditions thereafter.

POSSIBLE USES OF THIS SUPER POWER: None. I’m too terrified of death to ever purposely tempt fate.  


SUPER POWER: Require less sleep than the average man

Despite concerns from friends who worry that I don’t sleep enough, the 4-6 hours that I sleep every night are apparently more than enough for me considering my current level of productivity. I am also quite capable of not sleeping at all for a night with little marginal impact on the following day.

POSSIBLE USES OF THIS SUPER POWER: If chasing a super villain (or being chased), I could avoid a night in a hotel in order to gain ground on my opponent.