A death threat, courtesy of the Yellow Pages

The Yellow Pages is a telephone directory of businesses, organized by category, rather than alphabetically by business name and in which advertising is sold. The directories were originally printed on yellow paper, as opposed to white pages for non-commercial listings.

I mention this because it’s entirely possible for anyone after 1990 to have no idea what this ridiculous fossil of a bygone era is.

This year our Yellow Pages delivery person placed our copy, wrapped in its protective plastic bag, on top of our trashcan.

Just one step away from where it belonged.


Maybe next year, he or she will toss it into the trashcan and finish the job.

My friend’s Yellow Pages delivery person was not so kind. His text to me:

Snow blowing. Rolled over yellow pages that were buried under snow. Broke the snow blower. Had to shovel. Two hours. Who the !#$*# uses these !#$*# yellow pages anymore???? Who?!?!?!?

I responded by telling him that real men shovel their driveway.

His response:

I’ll kill you.

While it’s true that I don’t own a snow blower and shovel my driveway like a real man, there is also an older woman across the street with a snow blower who has been known to clear much of my driveway if the snow is especially deep. I don’t ask her to do so, but other than feigned assurances that I can manage on my own, I don’t stop her, either.