I despise pickles. They are a despicable and hideous creation. They are also one of the only foods that are capable of contaminating their environment and ruining a perfectly good meal.
Open a jar of pickles and everything in the room will smell and even taste a little bit like a pickle.
Stick a pickle on a plate alongside a pile of French fries and a cheeseburger and you've likely contaminated the entire plate of food with the underlying taste of pickle.
Get a little pickle juice on your hand and your hand will spell like a pickle all day.
This is why it's crazy for restaurants to randomly place pickles on plates without any warning.
What other food item is indiscriminately placed on a plate without any indication in the menu or by the waitstaff? What right do pickles have to this uninvited, unannounced, surprise inclusion?
Who the hell do pickles think they are?
Finding an unannounced pickle on your plate is akin to finding a single chicken nugget, a cube of braised beef, or a scoop of vanilla ice cream alongside your chicken piccata. As a general practice, restaurants don't place unannounced food items on our plates.
Except when it comes to the goddamn pickle.
Not everyone enjoys a pickle. Many people despise them at least as much as me. I know many people who agree with me about their insidious nature.
This random, unannounced, surprise pickle inclusion must end.