Lyric Problems: Belinda Carlisle's "Heaven is a Place on Earth"

Belinda Carlisle claims again and again in her 1987 Billboard #1 hit "Heaven Is a Place on Earth" that:

"They say in heaven, love comes first."

No, they don't. This is not a commonly used (or ever used) expression. No one says this. This song is the only place where these words are spoken.

In fact, I ran a search on the King James Bible. The three words "love comes first" do not appear sequentially anywhere in The Bible.

Also, who are "they?"

Donald Trump is fond of say that "People are saying this..." and "They say that..." but he's lying every single time. Absent of an actual, quotable human being, Trump claims that people are speaking in his favor but is incapable of pointing to any specific person. 

I'm not attempting to compare Belinda Carlisle to Donald Trump, and I understand that there's a big difference between the veracity of the President of the United States and a musician. Carlisle didn't even write the song. That credit goes to Rick Nowels and Ellen Shipley.

Still, "they" don't say in heaven that "Love comes first." Not as far as I can tell.  

That lyric has annoyed me for 30 years. 

Lyric Problems: Carly Rae Jepsen's "Call Me Maybe"

Carly Rae Jepsen's 2016 hit song "Call Me Maybe" was a favorite of mine during the summer and fall of that year as it packed floors at weddings where I was working as a DJ.

But I have one problem with the song. One niggling complaint. 

The chorus of the song goes:

Hey I just met you
And this is crazy
But here's my number
So call me maybe
It's hard to look right at you baby
But here's my number
So call me maybe

"This is crazy?" I don't understand what is "crazy" about the scenario described. You meet someone who you find attractive, so you ask for or offer your phone number in hopes of reconnecting. 

This is not crazy. It's normal. It's how dating works. Right?

Or it's how dating worked when I was dating. Many a time I met a girl at a party or a dance club or the beach or the mall or a concert or Disney World or the the produce section in the Stop & Shop in Attleboro, MA or a rest area on I-95 in New Hampshire or a liquor store in Myrtle Beach (to name a few), and after talking for a while, I asked if I could have her number and call her sometime. 

Not crazy. Just dating. Right?

Lyric Problems: Rachel Platten's "I'll Stand By You"

Rachel Platten is a popular female soloist who is best known for her anthem Fight Song but also for her almost equally popular I'll Stand By You.

I like I'll Stand By You, but I have a serious problem with a specific lyric that ruins the song for me. 

Platten sings:

Oh, truth, I guess truth is what you believe in
And faith, I think faith is helping to reason

No, Rachel. Your definitions of truth and reason suck. They aren't even close.

In fact, "truth is what you believe in" is one of the biggest problems in our country today. 

Truth is not what you believe in. Truth is verifiable fact. It is fixed and immutable, regardless of what Donald Trump may want you to think..

As many times as Trump may say that his inauguration crowd was historically large or Barack Obama wasn't born in America or his most recent healthcare bill failed to pass because a GOP Senator was in the hospital, none of these things are truth, even if Trump wants you to believe them.

Even if Trump believes them.

And "faith is helping to reason?" 

No, Rachel. Also not true. Faith is the belief and a trust in something or someone absent verifiable fact. Faith is what you belief in. It a belief in the love of a parent, the bond of friendship, or the existence of a god or gods. 

It has nothing to do with reason. Nothing at all. In fact, if the definitions in her song were reversed and read:

Oh, truth, I guess truth is helping to reason
And faith, I think faith is what you believe in

... this would make sense. Maybe not complete sense, but a lot closer than how Platten sings the song. 

And honestly, I have to wonder:


No producer or fellow musician or audio technician or manager or agent or record executive heard the stupidity in these two lyrics and said, "Hey Rachel, hold on there a minute. I'm not sure if that makes sense. Actually, I know it makes no sense whatsoever."

I like I'll Stand By You. I really do. At least until I hear those dumbass definitions.  

Lyric Problems: Van Halen's "Jump"

"Lyric Problems" is a new, reoccurring segment on this blog in which I point out a serious problem in a set of well known lyrics.

Today I'm talking about Van Halen's "Jump," a 1983 hit by Van Halen.  

Following the first chorus of the song, David Lee Roth sings the following lines:

Aaa-ohh Hey you! Who said that?
Baby how you been?

Did you see that? In the middle of the song, Roth suddenly breaks into at least two separate personalities that briefly converse with each other.  

The first says, "Aaa-ohh Hey you!"

The second asks, "Who said that?"

Then presumably the first answers with "Baby how you been?"

In listening to the song, it sounds as if Roth is surprised by the lyric he has just sung, as if it emerged whole and complete from some mysterious part of his psyche.

It's weird. It's dumb. I always feel stupid singing along to it. 

If you watch the video, you'll see David Lee Roth sing these lines around the 1:25 mark. It's clear that he doesn't exactly know how to handle them either.