My 2016 Christmas haul

Every Christmas, I take inventory of the holiday gifts that my wife gives me.

Some people wish for cashmere sweaters, new video game systems, stylish watches, and jewelry. My hope is often for the least pretentious, most unexpected, quirkiest little gift possible, and she never fails to deliver. 

For the past seven years, I’ve been documenting the gifts that Elysha gives me on Christmas because they are so damn good. Every year has been just as good as the last, if not better.

The 2009 Christmas haul featured a signed edition of a Kurt Vonnegut novel.
The 2010 Christmas haul featured a key that I still use today.
The 2011 Christmas haul featured my often-used Mr. T in a Pocket.
The 2012 Christmas haul featured my fabulous No button.
The 2013 Christmas haul featured my remote controlled helicopter.
The 2014 Christmas haul featured my "I Told You So" pad.
The 2015 Christmas haul featured schadenfreude mints: "As delicious as other people's misery." 

Once again, my wife did not disappoint.

The best gift (and one of the best gifts I have ever received) is this artist's rendering of the map of Yawgoog Scout Reservation, the place where I spent many of my childhood summers and my favorite place in the world. She found an artist on Etsy, contacted my brother and two of my former Scouting buddies, and together, they ensured that all of the most important landmarks were included. 

I am not ashamed to say that I cried upon opening the gift and realizing what she had done. 

In addition to the map, she also included this set of fabulous Christmas stocking stuffers, including two Shakespeare related items, two Patriots-related items, a golfer's multi-tool that was admired by fellow golfers on Christmas day, and the pen whistle, which should make my days at school much more interesting. 

I love each and every one of these gifts and will put all to good use. 

My 2014 Christmas haul

Another Christmas and another outstanding haul of gifts from my amazing wife, who understands me so well.

Some people wish for cashmere sweaters, brand new video game systems, stylish watches, and jewelry. My hope is often for the least pretentious, most unexpected, quirkiest little gift possible, and she never fails to deliver. 

For the past five years, I’ve been documenting the gifts that Elysha gives me on Christmas because they are so damn good. Every year has been just as good as the last, if not better.

For point of reference:

This year was simply divine.

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In case you can’t tell from the photograph, my collection of gifts from this year includes:

  • A nerf football, for the express purpose of teaching my children to catch the pigskin
  • A pencil that doubles as a catapult, that my brother (who runs a Christmas Tree Shop) informs me is illegal to sell in both New York and New Jersey, making this gift even more bad ass
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  • A pen that doubles as a hammer, for those days when someone or something needs a good whap
  • A new screwdriver to replace the six screwdrivers floating around the kitchen drawer (my wife deeply understands my desire to minimalism)
  • Goodnight Darth Vader, an amusing book about Darth Vader’s attempts to put a young Luke and Leia to sleep at night
  • A mini bowling set for those moments at my desk when instant amusement is needed
  • A substance called Cyber Clean, which Elysha doesn’t seem to understand but looks and moves like silly putty, so who cares?
  • A voice changer that makes your voice sound like the voice distortions that you hear on television when a person is telling state secrets but wishes to remain anonymous
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